


An Inconceivable Secret

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Mpreg, Points of View, Season/Series 04, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-07
Updated: 2009-03-22
Packaged: 2018-12-26 23:22:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12069045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Sequel to A Precious Secret.Six months into the lives of Brian, Justin, and Arionna another secret shakes their world.





	1. You Tell Me

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

 

I feel the slide of his cock against mine and I bite my lip to keep from moaning aloud. Even though it’s only been hours, it feels like it’s been days since the last time I’ve felt the incredible pleasure that can only come from Brian. 

“Hurry,” I whisper softly, not only because my need for him is great but also because after six months I know that our private time is limited during the day.

“You want me inside of you?” Brian teases, his head on my shoulder as he grinds our groins together.

“Please, Brian.” I beg, arching my hips in another demand.

Brian pulls away slightly, an arm wandering down my body, reaching for my core. Once my lover’s fingers get there he starts slowly to rub around my pucker waiting for the muscles to relax and let him in naturally. Another few seconds of this attention and I feel it loosening and Brian shifts, his other hand coming down and quickly sliding into my body. I had been so caught up in the sensations he was causing I didn’t even notice him getting the lube or applying it to his other hand but the easy, wet glide tells me he did.

He quickly starts opening me with his fingers, fucking my hole with first one, then as it stretched for him he added another, until he was fucking me with four digits. Every once in a while he pushes firmly on my prostate and I bite my lip from calling out at the pleasure that races through me.

“Now,” I demand, fucking myself on his fingers.

This time he doesn’t say anything but lifts himself up over me, grabbing my legs on his way up, and once he has them settled on his shoulders he pushes slowly into me until his balls are flush with my ass. Once he is all the way in he stays still for a moment, waiting for me to adjust but I give him no time, thrusting up to him the moment he is embedded in me.

Once I do that, our signal that I am ready, he wraps his arms around my legs and grabs onto my hips before starting to fuck me, hard and deep, but slowly. The pleasure is already starting to get to be insane and I shake my head back and forth on the pillow every time he runs his cock over my prostate.

“More please.” I beg with a grin, and he knows exactly what I want so he starts moving faster.

“Like this?” he pants out as he slams in and out quickly.

“Yes, yes, yes.” I chant as he takes me to heights no one but him could ever bring me to.

Brian pulls me in for a kiss and we devour each other’s mouths as the new position rubs my overly sensitive rod along the muscles of our stomachs.

“Cum for me baby,” Brian says against my lips and the words head straight to my throbbing member which heeds his request within seconds. As my orgasm rips through me I can feel his dick swell inside me, fighting the contractions of my ass for a moment before exploding in an orgasm that send his head back and rips a massive groan from his lips.

As soon as the sound clears his lips a sharp cry can be heard coming from right next no my head and with a sigh I look at the baby monitor. Upon hearing the sound as well, Brian groans again, this time in defeat instead of pleasure.

“Well at least she waited until we were done this time.” I say lightly, then roll Brian off me quickly to attend to our daughter.

“I swear she knows,” Brian grumbled, but the sting was taken out of his words and tone as he got up just as quickly to dress and go see what was wrong with Arionna.

“Hey little one,” I call as I head into her room. 

As soon as she hears my voice the crying stops and she make the huge effort it always seems to take her and sits up. The moment she does I look over at Brian and catch the patented look that he has whenever Arionna does anything, it’s a mixed between awe and unadulterated love. Brian is truly wrapped around his children’s fingers, although it’s more apparent with Arionna because he spends more time with her and he gets to be there for everything. Also, there was no one reminding him he was not her ‘parent’ all the time as there is with Gus.

I shake my head to clear it of the annoyed thoughts I always get when thinking about how Brian is treated about Gus as I watch my lover go and pick up our daughter. 

“Hey girl, looks like you need a changing, don’t suppose we could talk Daddy into doing it again, do you?” Brian said to the little girl in his arms, talking in a grownup voice to her as always. From the start Brian had not allowed people to talk to Arionna in baby-talk, he insisted that with parents like us she was going to be anything but stupid and she didn’t need to hear how retarded the rest of her family was, his words. I know though that he actually got it from the numerous child-care books he’s read and it’s true she seems so much smarter then every other baby, or maybe I’m just as prejudice as he is.

Arionna makes a no sound, one of the only words that we can understand even though it’s not clear yet and Brian’s grin gets wider.

“No,” Brian repeats, enunciating the word clearly for her. “Well I guess I’ll have to change you.” he tells her as he carries her to the changing table. “It’s a good thing you only peed then, hopefully you’ll poop next time, when it’s Daddy’s turn.” he hints and as I walk by him to switch of the cd player, that plays classical music while she sleeps, I give him a light smack for his comment.

“Very funny,” I say dryly.

“Oh course she will, because my little one knows that Dada doesn’t like to change poop.” he says in his arrogant voice and Arionna grins up at him. I’m pretty sure she has no idea what he’s talking about but she has already gotten that her Dada is a menace and she seems to find this very funny.

After she’s all changed and into her clothes, designer of course, we head out into the living room for work time, which as long as nothing messes with the schedule, always comes after her second nap of the day. As we walk, I take in the home that Brian bought for us, he said he wanted to be a real family and this was one of the ways he went about proving it, buying Britin.

The house was the one of my adolescent fantasies, a Tudor-style mansion with stables and a tennis court to share with my partner and child. As soon as I saw it I was in love and it took me a while to realize while this was my dream home it didn’t say Brian in it anywhere.

I didn’t want Brian to think I didn’t like it, because he’s a drama queen like that so it took me a while to find the right words to tell him. After I did though, and convinced him that although it was my childhood dream, I’m not a child anymore and my dream should be about us he looked around and realized I was right.

Slowly we have been making changes because with Arionna and Kinnetik just getting off the ground we haven’t had the time or the money for a lot of changes. Not that Kinnetik isn’t doing well, I swear everything Brian touches turns to gold, literally, but it does take time to get it not only running in the black, but also doing it well enough to support his label queen tendencies about everything.

As we enter the living room Brian puts Arionna in her seat which dangles the latest in baby Infant Stimulation toys as I go pop in one of her cd’s, of course those are also geared to her learning while having fun. I roll my eyes while doing this because Brian is so anal about her being the best and brightest, not that I disagree with him but I know it will get a rise out of him.

“Don’t roll your eyes,” he snapped but in a softer voice then he normally would because he was right over the baby. “She will have no disadvantages, especially since in the world’s eyes she already has one.” Brian finished the statement softer then I expected and I look at him, puzzled as to what he meant by that.

“What do you mean?” I ask when I can’t figure it out by myself.

“What the Hell do you think I mean?” he hisses as he walks away from Arionna, having got her settled down and preoccupied playing with the toys suspended over her head. “Her parents are a couple of fags, the world is going to knock her for that and you know it.” I close my eyes against the truth of that statement and when I open them he’s already at his computer, ready to work but I can’t let it stand like this.

“I can’t and won’t deny that having us for parents is going to be something she has to face at some point in her life,” I start.

“Many times, with the fucked up homophobes around here.” Brian interrupts.

“That might be true, but she’s got two parents who love her, a huge, crazy family who’ll stand behind her and a brother who dotes on her. Plus she has genes from the hottest man in Pittsburgh.” I say, hoping to get him out of his funk with a little ego stroking.

“And from the most beautiful man in Pittsburgh.” he says, stroking a hand down my face.

“Oh yeah, we can’t forget that.” I laugh before Brian leans down and presses his lips to mine, the kiss is harsh, demanding, and possessive but it only barely covers up his fears for our daughter and the life she will have because of us.

“Now get to work,” he growls the moment he tears his lips from mine and gives me a smack on the ass, “It’s work time and then we have to go to dinner at Deb’s, where I have to make sure those assholes don’t try corrupting or breaking the kid.”

I walk over to my easel to do my work but before I uncap my paint I look back at my partner and daughter and feel almost giddy inside. We’re not perfect and Brian and I are probably just as fucked up as ever and probably will always be but it works for us. We’re working on us getting better, although one or both of us is almost always kicking and screaming while doing it but I just know looking at us, we’re going to make it.

About Two Hours Later

“Okay do you have everything?” Brian calls to me from the door.

“Yes I have everything, although I still don’t get why you always get to carry Arionna and I always have to grab all her shit.” I whine at him and all he does is smirk back so I give him a look that tells him if I weren’t holding a million things I’d be flipping him off right now.

“Because…” Brian started and then broke off, he knew he had no argument and thus would give none.

“Fucker.” I mutter, “Next time I’m carrying her.” I state like I do every time but I know it won’t matter because he always wins, not that I’m jealous of our daughter, much but as I come beside them, Brian wraps his arm around me and kisses me gently on the temple and those feelings disappear.

“What’s that?” Brian wonders aloud as he opens the door and we catch sight of the brightly wrapped present in the doorway. I shrug and he sets down the baby seat to pick it up. “It’s for you.” he says holding it out after reading the little card on it.

I slide the stuff I’m holding to the floor and take the present, looking at Brian suspiciously as I do. I open the card and read it, ‘To my love,’ is all it says and I feel my Sunshine smile sneaking across my face. I eagerly rip off the wrapping and yank open the small box. As soon as I pull back the tissue paper I know what it is, a gift card to Utrecht, the best art store in Pittsburgh. 

“A thousand dollars,” I exclaim loudly as I see how much it’s for. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” I cry as I jump into Brian’s arms.

“Don’t thank me.” he answers in a weird voice, not really returning my hug.

“What do you mean?” I ask, wondering where he’s going with this.

“I really didn’t do it.” he answers seriously.

“Well if you didn’t then who did?” I wonder aloud.

“I don’t know, you tell me.”


	2. Pictures of You

I look away from Justin the minute I ask the question because I don’t really want to hear the answer. I don’t want to hear that once again there’s someone else or for him to lie about it. I have known for a while that he has been jealous of Arionna and feeling neglected by the amount of hours that I have to work starting up Kinnetik. Not to even mention the amount of stress he is still going through with regards to the ‘family’ and all the other things that have happened in the last three years.

I know that I don’t want to hear it so I just let my statement hang and grab Arionna and go to the car. I listen while going and I notice he doesn’t move until I’m already almost done strapping her in but when he comes up the car he doesn’t queen out like I think he’s going to. He just goes to the back and loads the stuff he was carrying into it.

Still I ignore him and as soon as the baby is in right I get into the driver’s seat and am turning the Jeep over when he gets in. The entire ride is made with a tense silence between us, the only sounds in the car are the ones Arionna makes or the ones each of us make in response to her.

When we get to Deb’s the tension thickens but we still don’t talk to or really even look at one another. He goes to get the stuff out of the back, I get Arionna, and we met up at the front door as always. Less than a second goes by, not even enough time for us to either knock or let ourselves in before the door is thrown up by an over exuberant redhead who likens herself our mother.

“Hey honeys, so glad you came!” she exclaims before crushing first Justin, in a hug and then I have only a second to prepare myself before I’m also enveloped in a rib threatening hug. “Where’s my baby?” she screeches as soon as she releases me, reaching for Arionna as she says the words.

We settle in for the meal and it’s mostly enjoyable, thanks to our learned ability to pretend nothing is wrong. We learned it because of the problems we have been having with Michael and Lindsay since they found out that Justin was pregnant but tonight it’s being put to the ultimate test because not only does it have to hide that but also what we are feeling towards each other.

Truthfully I don’t know what to do, I want to rage, scream, cry, and ignore it all at the same time. I know though that many of those options aren’t available to me. Even the one that I would have always used before, Hell I did use before in this situation, isn’t going to work because we have more to worry about than just the two of us. In everything we do, in every hour of the day we also have to worry about Arionna and how any and every thing we do is going to affect her.

The dinner goes by with minimum fuss and soon we’re home again. The conversation I know needs to happen whether we like it or not gets put off a while longer as Justin goes and bathes the baby and I kind of just wander around the house and wonder what I’m going to say. Hell I don’t know the answer to this, I don’t know what I’m going to do because I definitely don’t want to lose him but I won’t beg and I don’t really know if I can change anymore than I already have.

I hear Justin come out of the bathroom and I know he’s laying Arionna down and although it might be awkward with both of us in there, nothing in the world is going to keep me from saying goodnight to my baby girl. So I head in there heedless to the part of me that’s screaming that I don’t want to be anywhere near him.

“Hey littlest one,” I call in a soft voice as I enter the room, and upon hearing my voice she immediately looked at me and grinned a sleepy, lopsided grin.

We did our nightly ritual of seeing the baby off to sleep and then walked out of the room together, both of us reluctant but not willing to let this go on any longer. When Justin and I made it into the bedroom he went over and made sure the monitor was turned on and then he turned and looked at me, waiting for me to start.

“What the fuck Justin?” I start, not willing to let this lay, “We’re suppose to be a family. What the fuck am I not doing now?”

“Of course, I’m supposed to be cheating and it’s all about you.” Justin says in a quiet voice, so quiet I almost have to strain to hear him and then he turns away.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I hiss out, raising my voice slightly and stomping over so I can look him in the face.

“What the fuck am I talking about? You’re the one talking out your ass.” Justin says, again trying to turn away from me but I stop him with a hand on his bicep.

“Aren’t you going to even defend yourself, tell me how much better he is at whatever the fuck I’m supposedly failing at now? Tell me how he is always there for you?” I demand.

“Is that what you think? That you’re not there for me?” he shoots back almost inaudibly.

“What the fuck are you talking about? This is about whatever you think I’m doing wrong, obviously because I’m not cheating on myself.” I almost scream, just barely keeping my voice to a level that won’t wake Arionna.

“I’m not cheating on you though.” he says in a firm but still quiet voice.

“What?” I ask in a voice that I just know makes me sound brainless but I can’t help it.

“I have no idea who that’s from and I’m not cheating on you.” my blond says in an even but tired sounding voice.

“Then why? Why are we even discussing this? Why didn’t you just tell me that earlier?” I ask because I know if he says he isn’t that he isn’t but that something is wrong. 

“Because you thought I was cheating on you, Brian. It just made me realize that you don’t trust me. Hell, you don’t have any reason to but I don’t know where that leaves us.” he answers while climbing into bed, the defeat not only in his voice but in his entire being showing through.

“What?” I ask, more scared now. I thought I could fight him cheating but this defeat is something I wasn’t prepared for and I don’t know how to deal with it. “I’m just scared, okay? It was a great gift and I know you have been feeling weird lately and with the baby and setting up Kinnetik, I haven’t been able to give you much time or attention so I was afraid you were going to leave me and I didn’t know what to do about it.” I pour out my heart as I sit beside him on the bed.

“It is a great gift Brian but not as great as it would have been if you had got it for me. And yes, I have been feeling out of sorts lately with all the things that have been happening and the little time we get to spend together but that doesn’t mean I love you any less or that I want out. I love you and I wish so much you could believe that.” he states determinedly. “Fuck you Jack and Joan.” he continues in an almost completely inaudible voice and I’m sure I’m not supposed to actually catch his words. But I do and I realize that it’s true I’m so used to people not loving me because even my parents didn’t, that I continually doubt his love.

“I’m sorry I doubted you, but I will try harder Justin. That’s all I can promise but I do promise it as long as you promise to continue to point out to me when I’m doing it.” I say softly, leaning towards him to whisper it in his ear.

“No problem, I’ll always call you on your shit.” Justin promises with a slight grin.

“So really, who do you think the present was from?” I ask, making sure my voice and look conveys that I’m just curious and not accusing because I know now that he has no idea who it was from.

“I really have no idea. I mean it has to be someone who knows me right, because not only is it art supplies but it’s from my favorite art store.” Justin answers my inquiry with a thoughtful look on his face.

“Hmm, so maybe my stalker has a little stalker of his own.” I jest but my insides still tense at the thought, not only because Justin’s stalking actually worked but because I don’t like the thought of someone following him around.

“Well, as long as they stay away from me, I don’t care.” Justin says and then he reaches for me. “Now Arionna’s asleep and we aren’t so I think we should be doing something else, don’t you?” He ends with a sexy little growl as he presses our lips and bodies together and I meet him with just as much hunger because I couldn’t agree more.

_The Gift Giver’s_ POV 

I watched them find my present, Justin looked so happy with it, Brian less so. I cringed when Justin threw his arms around Brian in joy but a smile creeped across my face when I saw Brian’s reaction and Justin’s face fall. Brian walked away from Justin and the blond’s sad face made me want to beat the asshole of Liberty Avenue but then the younger man looked down at his present and I could see, although he wasn’t pleased with Brian, he was still happy about the gift I chose for him.

I watched the tension reign between them all night and I can’t believe how easy it was to start them on the road to the end. Once they are over I’ll be there to pick up the pieces for MY blond and all will be right with the world. I can’t see inside the house, Britin, what a name, so I head home to put into motion the next present I will get for Justin. 

I want him to have anything he wants and I will make him happier than he has ever been. Soon he’ll forget all about Brian and it will be him, me and Arionna. Of course we’ll have the baby’s middle and last name changed immediately. Can’t have my daughter with that slut’s name, it will taint her for life.

I get to my apartment and head right in my room. I open my closet and push aside the clothes to access the ‘secret compartment’ I made with all my Justin things in it. Of course it’s just a row of clothes in front of an empty space but one must do what one can. Out of my pocket I pull the new pack of pictures of my love. I wonder why no one has asked about my obsession with my camera but it’s better that they haven’t.

As soon as everything is in where it should be I decide to go to bed. As I head to bed I take one of my favorite photos of my blue-eyed lover so I can find some relief before going to sleep. As I reach my orgasm I cry out, “I love you Justin,” then don’t even clean up before falling into a peaceful sleep.


	3. A Realized Poblem

This chapter has extra thanks that go out to Rory for her help with filler and readgeekeasy for the beautiful graphic 

 

Two Months Later

I walk through the door after work, tired from an insane day that stopped two hours later then I wanted to get home. Since Arionna has been born I have tried to be home as early as possible because I want to be as involved in my little girl’s life as possible. Although I do love my job, for once in my life it’s not a top priority.

I slide my jacket off my shoulders after I set down my briefcase. I then go to head upstairs to change out of my work clothes but as I pass the kitchen I hear the tinkling laughter of Justin ad Arionna. A smile makes it way across my face, unbidden and even though part of me still wants to get comfortable I head into the kitchen to see what’s going on with my two favorite people.

As soon as I enter the smile grows exponentially as I see Justin feeding out baby girl. Arionna has a little game she likes to play when she’s being feed. I stand in the doorway and watch the smirk crossing her face as she moves her head away from the spoon as it gets almost to her face. I can’t help it and sneak back out and grab the digital camera from the drawer in the table in the hallway, we have a few of these stashed through the house as we find he doing cute things we feel the need to capture on film quite frequently.

“Arionna, stop that now.” Justin says, trying to get the food into her mouth, but his laughing took the force out of the command. Silently I click picture after picture of the struggle and the mess our little ‘Angel’ is making.

I had meant to observe them in silence but seeing Justin’s laughing exasperation I can’t stop the chuckle that escapes. Both Arionna ad Justin look to the doorway at the noise and a matching pair of Sunshine smiles appear as they catch sight of me.

“Hey, Dada.” Justin calls from his position in front of Arionna. “I would as for a kiss but I already know you won’t.” he finishes with a slight laugh of his own.

“You are so right.” I answer, looking at the mess, thinking of my Armani.

Arionna gurgled her hello and then automatically slapped her food away now that she had a glimpse of her Dada. “Okay, you can be done, you’ve eaten enough.” Justin says laughing, before letting her out of her highchair.

He puts her down and then turns to grab a clothe to clean off her chair. As soon as she touches the floor she starts crawling toward me, a big grin on her face.

“Justin.” I call, trying to get his attention so he could catch her before she touches me with those sticky hands. “Justin!” I call again with more urgency when he doesn’t seem to hear me.

“What? I’m trying to clean this up.” he answers, still not turning around.

Before I can open my mouth to call him again, Arionna reaches me and immediately grabs a pant leg. Before the groan I could feel welling up could escape my lips I feel added pressure on my pants ad she starts pulling herself up with her grip on my pant leg.

“Justin, Justin!!” I call again, this time my voice excited with my want to share this moment with him.

“What, Hun?” he asks, a little annoyed, but without even looking, because I can’t take my eyes from our little girl, I know when he turns around by the gasp that escapes his lips.

I know we are both watching memorized as Arionna pulls herself to her feet all by herself.

“Oh my God, she’s standing all by herself, Brian!” Justin cries as soon as she’s on her feet. The shock of his loud voice startles her and within moment she falls to her bum, a surprised look on her face. 

A Few Hours Later

“Okay do we have everything?” I ask, looking at the pile of stuff in front of the door with a smirk.

“Oh don’t you even pretend to put all that shit on me.” Justin says carrying the baby who’s all dressed to go out. “I included necessary items you’re the one who feels the need to bring her entire life with her everywhere she goes.” Justin snarks back, and I’d have a good comeback for that, except I’m not quite that delusional, or well he just wouldn’t let me get away with bullshiting him.

“So who won the Battle Royal this week?” I ask, ignoring the last conversation as I grab the baby and a couple bags.

“I was holding her.” Justin protests but starts picking up bag nevertheless. “Deb won this week. I think we should come up with a schedule though because they’re going to come to bloodshed one of these times.” he answers as he get everything out of the house and start situating it in the car.

“Yeah, well it is kind of fun watching them fight about it though.” I snicker, thinking of the almost weekly fights between Jennifer ad Debbie about who gets Arionna when we go out. 

“Not to mention some of the others would like some time with her as well.” Justin announces as I had heard nothing about this until now.

“The girls?” I question, hoping this is the answer.

“Yes them as well as basically all the others, besides Tad. He said you would kill him if he even thought about it.” Justin comments after we have gotten in the car ourselves.

“Well, he’s fucking right. I don’t know what the Hell the others are thinking. If they want kids they can do it the old fashion way.” I growl as I think about Emmett, dressing up Arionna, or God Michael dressing her up and Ben feeding her Tofu. “No, no, no.” 

“We’ll talk about it later.” Justin says, as we pull up to Debbie’s but fuck that.

“No we will not ‘talk about it later’ because that means you’re going to try to figure out a way to get your own way and I am not leaving my kid with those idiots.” I state firmly, before quickly turning off the engine and getting out of the car.

About twenty minutes later we are in front of Babylon, we walk up and pass the line, still not having to wait to get in. we are in within seconds and we head right for the dance floor, my fatigue caused by work had lifted the moment I looked at my family. As soon as we have a place on the floor, the crowd parted for us as always, we mold our bodies together and start moving to the rhythm.

We my be happy in our roles as parents but we still always find time to be exactly who we are. We still regularly hit Babylon, although the frequency may have gone down. Right now we are grinding against each other, riding waves of already raising passion and lust.

“Backroom.” Justin whispers breathlessly.

“We just got here, don’t you want to dance some more or get a drink.” I say, taunting him even though my brain is screaming for me to take him up on his plea.

“Fuck you Brian, Justin fuck me.” he demands hotly in my ear and his breath on my ear and the need in his voice insists that I do him, now. I drag him behind me as I head there.

The Next Day - Kinnetik

Justin’s POV

My hand drifts over the paper in front of me, my mind clear, the only thought in it is of what the customer wants. I’m doing another board for Brian, for Kinnetik, for a client that will keep Kinnetik going. The agency isn’t in any real trouble anymore, with Brian’s genius applied to the ideas, Cynthia’s to the running of the place, and mine to the images Kinnetik is quickly becoming a force to be reckoned with. 

As I blend the perfect red I silently laugh because if you asked Brian he would say that Kinnetik is already a force to reckoned with and he probably be right. I might not have a lot of practical knowledge in business, much to my father’s chagrin, I do know that we already have Vance worried and that pleases all of us. He made the wrong choice in firing Brian and now it’s come back to bite him in the ass but I’m actually so glad he did.

Not that I could have lived without Brian’s depression at it happening but he’s so much happier now. I know that it’s not all the job but I do know some of it is because he’s his own boss, he doesn’t have to worried about being reamed out for other’s mistakes and he only has to take on clients he wants and it frees him.

‘Buzz’ 

“Yes?” I call through the intercom after pushing the button.

“Hey Justin, the Fed-Ex man is here for you and apparently you are the only person who can sign for it.” Cynthia’s voice comes over the line, which while still kind held an edge of annoyance that I know isn’t for me but for the delivery guy who is going to make me stop working just to sign for something.

“I’ll be right there.” I answer her and wipe up quickly to head to the front desk.

“Hi, I’m Justin Taylor.” I say as I approach the Fed-Ex guy.

“Sign here,” he says in a bored voice and I do, more to get rid of the man before he acted this way in front of Brian then for the actually package itself.

As soon as I pull the pen away from my signature he plucks both the pen and the clipboard from my hands then turns and walks away without another word. I’m too stunned to say anything for a moment then I huff under my breath and set out to follow him but before I can get to the door he is back and handing me and ornately wrapped gift. He takes off without a word but I don’t really notice looking at the beautiful package in my hands.

I wonder if it’s from Brian but some in me tells me it’s not, or maybe it just having known Brian for so long. Not that he never gives me presents because he has before but normally he hands me whatever it is unwrapped, he had bought the item because he thought I needed it or wanted it so he would just get it and hand it over. One the few, and I do mean few times I have ever seen him with a wrapped gift for someone the wrapping was always elegant and classy because that’s just who he is.

So I know in my head it’s not from Brian but it doesn’t stop the hope, because unromantic man or not he gives the best gifts and simply because I love getting things from him. I head to my office to open it because if it’s not from him it might be from my ‘admirer’ and I don’t want Brian freaking out about that right now. 

Since the last present Brian has made it clear, of course without saying it, that he hates that someone gave me a present and it has made him suspicious of everyone, although thank God he now realizes that I didn’t have anything to do with it. But for days he looked at everyone man or female that came near me with that Kinney Death Glare, not wanting whoever sent me the gift to be able to get close to me. Which was kind of wearing on my nerves but totally adorable, not that I would admit that to him.

I head to my office as not to be seen with the present but as soon as I get there I open the present hurriedly, excited by what it might be, although I wouldn’t admit that either. When I get it open I see the a beautiful box, made from fine wood. I wonder what the point of the box is, it’s a nice gift but not as suited for me as the last one and I’m somewhat disappointed. 

I go to pull the top off the box but it doesn’t budge and I look closer and realize that the front of the box opens up, not the top. I open the top and see drawers within the box and my curiosity is peaked once again. I pull the top and gasp, inside are the most exquisite chocolates I have ever seen. Excited I pull the rest of the drawers open and find more chocolates in every variety I can think of.

“So perfect,” I say out loud, glad that once again the present is something I love. Not that I’m interested in anyone but Brian but it feels good that someone likes me this much. I feel something on the side of the box and turn it to get a better look. As soon as I see it I realize it was inscribed. When moment I read it I think I realize I might have a problem. It says ‘From Your Real One True Love’


	4. Private Eye

 

Justin’s POV

I wrap up the box of chocolates once again, not eating any, not because I’m afraid they will be poisoned or anything like that; because I have a feeling that the person giving me these gifts isn’t trying to hurt me, but because I just can’t accept it. Getting gifts from someone is flattering and all but I’m already completely in love with someone. I sigh and push the button that directly connects me with Brian.

“Hey?” Brian’s sexy voice comes across the speaker.

“You busy?” I ask softly, not wanting to tell him about this, because I know it will upset him, but knowing I can’t keep it from him.

“No, feeling lonely?” he asks, obviously not picking up on anything in my voice.

“Well, that sounds great,” I reply to his unspoken question about sex but then I have to continue, “but first I need to talk to you.”

“Talk? What’s wrong?” Brian demands, concern flooding his voice.

“Nothing, well nothing really…ummm…well anyway, can you come down here.” I stumble through saying, knowing I have a problem but not sure how serious it really is, although I do know that Brian will think it’s extremely serious.

“I’ll be right down.” Brian says in a final voice and I know he will be here as fast as he can.

“What is going on?” I hear Brian’s voice ask from behind me not a minute later. I turn towards him and without saying anything I gesture to the package on my desk. Once he sees it his gaze turns sharp and I know that without even looking in it he knows what it is.

Brian’s POV 

I walk out of Justin’s office, clutching the box of chocolates tightly. The first gift he got made me suspicious, first of him but when I realized that he knew nothing about it I was just suspicious. Who sent it to him? It was an extremely expensive card that was from his favorite art supply store. I knew of it, it’s where I always got him anything art related, Hell most of the time the people who work in the store tell me what to get if I don’t go in with a specific item in mind. The only problem was very few other people would realize it, I mean it’s not like it’s something Justin broadcasts. 

That means that the person who got him the first gift either knows him intimately or has followed him to see where he shops and I don’t find either option very comforting. Obviously now I have to make the call I have been hoping that would not be necessary. 

The minute I get into my office, cutting off something Cynthia had tried to say to me as I passed her open office door in my hurry to deal with this issue, I reach for my phone. I dial the number I have had memorized since the day after the first present arrived.

“I got another one,” I say as soon as the other line picks up.

“I’ll be right there,” is my answer and then a click indicating the person on the other line had hung up.

I wasn’t worried about the lack of response because I knew the caller spoke the truth and I wouldn’t have to wait long. As I waited though, I couldn’t take my eyes off the package in front of me. A quick look inside had told me what it was and that yet again, not only was the gift expensive, but a great choice for Justin. He loves chocolate, Hell, I have even gotten in designer chocolate before but being me I just usually plop it in front of him, no fancy shit. I had just bought it because I knew he would like it. That’s the way I have always felt about buying people things, it’s fine to get someone something because they need it or would like it but wrapping it and making a big presentation out of giving them a ‘gift’ was more for the giver then the person receiving the item and that’s just bullshit.

“So let’s see it,” a voice came from beside him and Brian knew he should be surprised that he didn’t hear the door opening or seeing someone coming into the room as the door was right in front of him but he had gotten used to it and the shock had worn off. So instead he just pushed the present towards the private eye.

“Nice,” the private eye whistles, getting a look at the expensive gift.

“I don’t fucking think it’s ‘NICE’” I stress, annoyed at everything at the moment.

“Figured.” was the smart assed answer I got, no more no less, and I knew to expect it, the private eye being a lot like me.

“Okay, you’re officially hired now, find out who is sending him this shit. I want to know if he’s in any danger.”

“Alright.” was my answer and I watched as the package was collected and the investigator started heading out of the room without saying anything else.

“Wait,” I call and she turns back to me, her blond hair whipping over her shoulder as she turned and just beyond that curtain of hair she raises an eyebrow in question at me. “Do you think I should have you watch Justin?” I ask because of the fear that the person sending Justin the gifts is watching him.

“Do you think I should watch Justin?” was my answer and her head tilted as she awaited my instructions. I knew better than to ask her that, she never told her clients what to do, just did as they asked but she would tell them if they needed to have it done and I was counting on that.

“Do you think that Justin is in any danger from whoever is sending these gifts?” I reiterate what I want to know.

“From the actions thus far I wouldn’t say that Justin is in any danger at this point.” the cool voice I have come to expect from her answered me back and I know that this is her professional opinion from her vast experience. 

“Okay, so I won’t have you follow him but if you feel that the status of his safety changes, I want to know.” I demand, still uneasy with this whole thing but feeling at little better now that I have someone looking into it.

She nods silently and then disappears as quickly and quietly as she came. I breath out a sigh as soon as she is out of my sight, hoping that soon we will know who is sending the gifts. I know that it could be nothing, it could be just some guy who thinks Justin is hott but a feeling in my gut tells me that this isn’t going to be that easy.

That Night

“You sure have a lot of shit, you know that right?” I question with a smile as I try to juggle Arionna and all her stuff and get the door open at the same time.

“Gulerjdi durr ffddd.” Arionna answers back with a smirk on her face.

“Haha, you’re so funny, I’m going to kick your daddy’s butt later for leaving me to grab all this stuff.” I continue talking to her as I get us and everything else inside. “I wonder where he went, did he tell you?” I ask looking straight at her as I put everything but her down. At my question she just grins at me and I can’t help grinning back. “So you’re not telling huh?” I ask with a laugh in my voice as I set her car seat on the table so I can shrug out of my jacket.

Arionna just giggles, she loves it when we talk to her, so I decide there’s time to mount a ‘dada attack’ before removing her from her restraints. “You will tell me where Daddy has gone.” I say in a gruff voice as I start tickling her.

The minute my questing fingers touch her she starts giggle again. Both Justin and I are both ticklish although it’s a heavily guarded secret and together we have made the most ticklish person I have ever met. Most people hate to be tickled but she is an exception she loves it and her laughter rings out as I bury my fingers in her neck.

Justin’s POV

I slowly push the door open, I want to get in the house before Brian notices me. I know I drove him nuts by the way I didn’t tell him where I was going. Not that he has to know where I am at all times but because of the gifts, he is on edge about me. Not to mention I made a big production about not telling him where I was going. I love driving him nuts, he’s so easy.

I set my purchase on the floor by the door next to all of the stuff that had obviously just dropped when he got home. As I start to slip off my jacket, one of my favorite sounds rings out from the direction of the dining room. My daughter’s uproarious laughter, the one she usually only lets out when she is being tickled. An evil smile crosses my face as I quietly as I finish hanging my jacket and creep my way towards the sound.

“Come on you little monster, tell me where your daddy is and I’ll stop tickling you.” Brian threatens Arionnna in that gruff voice he uses when he’s teasing her.

I stand back for a moment and watch the interaction between my two favorite people, loving how Brian is with our daughter. Then I resume creeping up on them, intent on an evil that I know I’ll pay for later. I silently position myself behind Brian and as he starts another round of laughter from Arionna with his tickling hands. I reach forward and slid my hands into Brian’s ticklish spot.

Arionna’s laugh cuts off quickly when Brian yanks his hands from her to squirm and try to push my hands away but she starts giggling once again when she hears her dada start to laugh as well.

“Stooooppp.” Brian whines, twisting away from me in an attempt to get away from my questing fingers.

“Why should I?” I demand pushing my digits in deeper. “I come home and you’re torturing our daughter. I think you should be punished.” I growl in his ear even as I continue my assault. 

“I’m sorry,” Brian pants out in a breathless laugh.

“Alright.” I say, immediately stopping my attack and walking away from him to pick up Arionna like nothing had happened. I unstrap her from her car seat as I listen to Brian try to catch his breath.

“You will pay for that.” Brian threatens as I take Arionna’s jacket off. 

“I know.” I answer with a smirk at him over my shoulder and the groan he echos my statement with tells me he got my drift and is looking forward to my punishment as much as I am.

“So where did you go?” Brian asks me as I lean my forehead against our little girl’s, a way for Brian and I say to love you, not only to Arionna but to each other. “What was the big secret?”

“I went shopping.” I tell him not offering any more information, knowing it will drive him nuts.

“Shopping?” Brian asks incredulously. “You weren’t gone long enough to be shopping.”

“Not everyone is such a label queen and needs to spend hours in every store they go to.” I tease. 

“So what did you get?” Brian asks, of course he’s interested when he knows it has to do with shopping. “Did you buy clothes? Why couldn’t I go? Oh, you went to the mall didn’t you?” Brian complains.

“Geeze Brian, you act like such a child when it comes to shopping.” I grumble. “I bought one thing, it wasn’t clothes, you couldn’t come with me because I didn’t want to be shopping for hours…again and I didn’t go to the mall.” I answer all his questions, except about what I bought but he can stew for a bit longer.

I walk out of the dining room before Brian can ask anything else, holding Arionna in my arms because I want to say hi to her for a little while. I can’t believe I missed her this much but I can definitely say that she has me wrapped around her fingers as much as her dada does. But I know her and I also have wrapped Brian around our fingers so I don’t feel so bad.

“So what did you buy?” Brian stresses as he follows us.

“It’s in the hallway, with all crap you just threw there before you started harassing our little one.” I taunt.

I watch as Brian hesitates for a moment, looking like he wanted to say something to my thinly veiled complaint about him leaving everything by the door but within seconds the allure of my purchase won out and he headed to the hallway to find out what I had bought.

“What the Fuck?”


	5. Trouble In Paradise

 

Justin’s POV 

“What?” I call alarmed, rushing out to the hallway after hearing Brian’s exclamation. As I get to him, I see that he is staring at the stroller in shock. “What?” I ask again, this time more annoyed that he freaked me out than anything else.

“You can’t be pregnant…can you?” Brian questions, turning towards me with a completely blank look on his face.

“No.” I answer, wondering what is going through his mind. I wonder…”would it be a problem for you if I was?” I ask, worried about his answer. 

“Umm…” he hesitates, looking over my shoulder, refusing to meet my eyes. We have never talked about it but I didn’t think it would be a big deal if it happened, seeing how much he loves Gus and Arionna.

“Brian?” I beseech, holding Arionna closer to my chest, unsure of what he is thinking and what it means for our lives. I have thought that we would have more children in time because it’s apparent how much happier we both are now that Arionna is in our lives. If that’s not what Brian wants…I’ll be devastated.

“I’ve…got to go.” he finally answers, spinning on his heel and stalking out the door, not heeding my calls or even pausing to grab his jacket.

I don’t know what just happened but it’s been a long time since things between us have gone that bad, that quickly.

Gift Giver’s POV

I watched him today…well I watch him every day, be it through photos taken or by being near him myself. Today I watched him from a distance; he was all by himself, no baby, no Daphne and no fucking Brian.

I came upon him purely by accident; he’s normally at Kinnetik at that time so I didn’t think I would see him. God, he was so brilliant when he came up with that name, even if it is that asshole’s company. When I realized that although I saw my beautiful blond but he didn’t see me, I had a decision to make - would I approach him and talk to him or would I follow him to see where he was going. 

I wanted so much to talk to him, to hear him laugh and maybe even get him to smile that big beautiful smile of his at me. I decided not to however, I wanted to see where he was going all alone even more. 

When Justin headed into the mall, I was glad because it would make it easier to follow him without being seen. Not that he would have thought anything of it if he had seen me but I wanted to know what he was up to, so not being seen was my goal. I wondered if he had gotten away from Brian because of my gifts, if they had made him think about what a mistake he had been making by being with The Slut of Liberty Ave. 

I stood back from Justin a little, just observing where he was going and when he walked into a baby store, I peeked around a corner, wondering what he was buying for our little girl. About twenty minutes later I watched him leave the store, almost being caught because I was frozen in shock. I could not get my mind around the fact that he had purchased a double stroller.

I had a million other things to do today but as soon as Justin was out of sight, I called around and got someone else to deal with all the things that I was suppose to get done today because I couldn’t even contemplate thinking about anything but my gorgeous baby. I cannot believe that he is pregnant again, what the fuck is Brian doing…fucking raw? The thought of that bastard inside of what is mine always angers me but the idea that he may be doing it bare is just too much. I was going to give Justin more time to get accustomed to belonging to me but I am going to have to step things up because there is no way that another one of my children is going to be born into that house with that fucking man.

With that thought firmly in mind I sit down at my computer and go about selecting Justin’s next gift. There will be no more lags between the presents; my blond will know that he is mine very soon. I will go through with the planned presents still, just quicker and if he doesn’t do the right thing, I will just have to take matters into my own hands.

Brian’s POV

Trees blur by me, each one indistinguishable from the next as I roar down the road. I passed the speed limit at least twenty miles an hour ago but still I press the peddle harder. My mind is screaming, chaos reigns. I don’t know what to think, what I should have said. Is Justin pregnant? Could that be possible? Was his doctor wrong?

I have never thought about us having more children, because of course the doctor said it was impossible. I don’t know if I want any more kids but I do know I don’t want anymore right the fuck now. ‘Fuck, this was not the life that I planned,’ I howled in my head. ‘I can’t be this person.’ this voice continues. 

I look around in desperation, needing something to silence the war going on within myself. After a few seconds, I realize where I am and in an almost unconscious decision on my part, I head to this place I know, it’s not Liberty Ave. but it will work just as well.

After arriving at my destination, I head into the bar and immediately demand a double shot of Beam. As soon as it arrives, I empty it, raising the glass to have it filled again. Once topped off I turn from the bar to survey the room, searching for and finding my first prey of the night within seconds.

Justin’s POV

I stare at the door for a long time after Brian walks out of it, trying not to cry. Arionna starts to fuss and I turn my attention to her, pushing Brian, and all thoughts of him as far back as I can. There is nothing I can do about whatever is going on with Brian right now, I have our daughter to think about. Arionna is staring at the door, reaching out her hand, as if asking for her dada to come back. I hate the distress I see in her face but I can’t fix that right now, so I walk away from the scene and put my mind to distracting her from her upset. 

I head to the living room and get down on the floor in her play area. With her still between my legs, I pull some of her favorite toys toward us and start to play with her. It takes a little while but she finally seems to stop focusing so much on her worry and becomes more captivated by our play. I know though that neither of us has forgotten Brian’s departure.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I gently lay Arionna down in her crib, speaking to her in a soothing voice. She still is slightly off from Brian not being there and I watch as she looks around, expecting him to come in to say goodnight to her as he does every night. Hell, I’m waiting for it. Even though I know him and know what he is probably doing right now, just because it’s time for her to go to sleep I keep expecting him to walk in the door.

Finally, I can’t wait any longer so I kiss her again and head out of her room. I clean up the house, not that there is much to clean up but I make sure everything is spotless. Usually at this time of night, I would either be doing something with Brian or painting but Brian’s not here and the way he left obliterated my muse. When my mind is troubled like this, a lot of the time I cannot paint or sketch. There is just too much going on in my mind for me to be about to channel it.

I look around me again and see that there is nothing left to clean and I don’t know what to do with myself. I sit down on the sofa and flip on the television. The remote stays in my hand the entire time, flipping through countless channels and never staying on anything for more than a minute. 

After a while, I find an old black and white movie, something that Brian would love. He loves old movies featuring doomed love stories. I have never been able to stand watching them with him. I think that his affinity for them is depressing more than the movies themselves. To me it says something sad about the way he looks at the world and at times like these, when he is so upset and acting out, they scare me.

I click off the television and throw down the remote, I’m depressed by the situation enough and I don’t need the help of An Affair To Remember. Even though it’s only ten, I head in to shower and get ready for bed. My insides are pulling me to wait for him, to worry about what could be going on with him, with us. I know that will do me no good though, so I just grab something to sleep in and head into the bathroom.

When I get to the shower I automatically turn the water on a little hotter than I would normally have it for me. That was one of the first compromises that Brian made for me. He likes steaming hot water in his shower and my skin can’t take it so he almost instinctively turned it down, right from the beginning. Not as far down as I would but lower than he would have it. 

Part of my mind rebels against this, telling me that he wasn’t here and that I could turn it down but I just slump my head against the shower walls, defeated. I jump out and quickly towel off. All the contemplation since Brian left wearing on me and suddenly I feel as if I haven’t slept in days. 

I crawl into bed, climbing over Brian’s side to get to mine. My body feels so heavy so I curl into the covers and close my eyes. A few minutes go by and I start to shift, struggling to get deeper into the bed, to get comfortable. Fifteen minutes later, I give up and open my eyes, even though I haven’t felt this tired in a long time, I can’t go to sleep. 

Turning over on my side, I glace at the clock, the bright 11:06 taunting me. Time passes slowly, as I drift in and out of consciousness. The sleep I get isn’t restful because the only way I know that I have even been asleep is by the numbers on clock jumping ahead. Two and then two-thirty creeps by and every minute there after my heart rate increases. 

Will he be home by three? Do those rules even apply anymore? Do we need rules at this point? What is going on? Has something happened to him? Should I call someone? Is he never coming back? Did he leave me?

I stare at the bright red number as they creep slowly forward. Fifty-seven, fifty-eight. I’m jarred out of my tunnel vision by a sound. I strain to hear, wondering if it’s Arionna when footsteps reach my ears. I know instinctively that Brian’s home with minutes to spare. I listen as he gets closer and when he steps into the room, all the things I ‘knew’ he had been doing were confirmed. 

He stands there staring at me like he’s going to say something or he is waiting for me to say something. The smell of alcohol and other men wafts to me and I just close my eyes.

“Shower before you come to bed.” I tell him, not opening my eyes. I know we have to talk about this but I can’t deal with it right now.

A while later I feel him climb into bed, moving the mattress very little as if not to disturb me. After a few minutes, the fact that I can’t feel his body heat occurs to me and I open my eyes to see why I can’t. The sight that greets me breaks my heart. Brian is lying all the way over on his side of the bed; his body rigid and he is staring at the ceiling. He looks as if he doesn’t feel welcome in our bed and although I’m not happy with what has happened today, I can’t let him feel like that.

I reach for him and pull him towards me, gathering him to my chest. He is still at first but within seconds, he melts into my body, burying his face in my hair, and clutching me tightly.

“It’s okay.” I whisper, because if he still loves me, and I know he does, that it is okay. It doesn’t matter what else is going on, what he has done. As long as I have him and Arionna, everything is just fine. “It’s okay.”


	6. Telling The Truth

 

Brian’s POV

As I climb my way towards consciousness, a throb makes itself known in my temples. I slowly open my eyes, grimacing at how gritty they feel. My bladder screams a demand that I head for the bathroom immediately, but my stomach tells me that getting up too fast would be a mistake. I look around slightly, trying to remember what I did to get in this condition and I see the beautiful combination of colors that did not exist in my bedroom in the loft. The fact that I’m at Britin hits me like a ton of bricks. I now know why I feel like death warmed over; I had a huge binge last night and it is the first time I have done that since Arionna was born. 

I finally pull myself to my feet to head to the bathroom, my stomach, revolting the move, spins faster as the night before comes back to me. The look that was on Justin’s face as I left and my actions for the rest of the night flash before my eyes and causes pain that has nothing to do with my hangover. I relieve my bladder and realize that Justin had known what I was doing all night when I came home. Hell, he probably knew what I was doing even before I came home and confirmed his suspicions. 

I start to heave as I realize that, because I couldn’t face the truth, I could have destroyed everything. I’m puking deeply, the spasms in my stomach not comparing to the agony I feel because of the fact that I may have broken up my family. I fall to the floor, still retching as tears start sliding down my cheeks. The only problem is that I don’t know if my eyes are watering from puking so hard, or if I’m crying from what I could have lost. If it wasn’t the way Justin had acted when I came home last night I would think that I had lost my family, already. I remember that, even though he demanded that I take a shower, he held me in his arms as I fell asleep. 

Finally, my stomach seems empty, and, although the feeling that I need to puke is still there, I get up. After brushing my teeth I head for the shower, hoping it will revitalize me and give me some time before I have to look Justin in the eye again.

About a half an hour later, I know that I can’t put it off any longer. I can’t avoid the fallout from my actions no matter how much I would like to, so I get out of the shower and get dressed. 

Choosing something I wouldn’t normally wear at home, but needing the armor effect of dressing to the nines, I step out of the bedroom and look around for my family. I haven’t heard much from the other occupants of the house since I woke up, but I heard some movement so I’m not worried that Justin has left me. 

I walk out into the kitchen and he is sitting at the table doing some paperwork, it seems. I can tell two things by the way he is holding his body, the first being that he knows that I’m standing here, and the other is that I fucked up BIG time. Not that I didn’t know that before now, but his posture drove it home. 

“Hey,” I say softly, sitting down across from him.

“Hey,” he answers, finally looking up at me. 

I can see pain in his eyes, but also a determination that scares me. I don’t know what it means for me, for us, but I know how bad it could be. I bite my lip, trying to call upon my nature power of words to say something to fix this, but before I can say anything Justin starts speaking again.

“I will not deal with this shit, Brian. I thought we were beyond you doing crap like this.” He states in a confident voice, looking me dead in the eye, expecting…what, I don’t know.

“I…I’m so sorry, Justin.” I start, the thought that I’m throwing out my no apologies rule is not even registering.

“What are you sorry for?” Justin inquires, looking at me seriously, his face demanding I give the right answer to his question. I want to hesitate, to find the answer he is looking for, but my mouth opens of its own volition.

“I’m sorry for leaving like I did, for hurting you, for engaging in my pain management techniques. Most of all, I am sorry for not telling you.” 

I watch Justin’s face as I talk and can see him processing the words I’m saying. I watch the confusion fall across his face at my last statement, but he doesn’t say anything when I stop talking. I worry about what more he wants me to say, or if what I can say can ever be right after what I pulled yesterday. 

“Well?” Justin prompts and I know I will not be getting off that easy. I don’t know what to do, how to tell him. Not only do I think, Hell, know that he will be mad that I kept it from him, but I just do not know if I have the strength to say the words, to dash his hopes. “Brian,” he sighs, his exacerbation at the circumstances evident in his voice. 

“When you got the stroller I was surprised but that part of me, somewhere deep inside that I hate listening to, was excited.” I start to explain, knowing that whether I like it or not I’m going to have to tell him everything if I can expect us to get through what I pulled yesterday. My thoughts make me pause in my explanation and Justin “humpfs” an impatient sound. I lower my head for a second, take a deep breath and steel myself to continue.

“I hated myself for being excited because I knew that you couldn’t be pregnant, but the feelings were still there. What’s more is that it reminded me that I had taken the coward’s way out and you still didn’t know.” 

“What the fuck are you talking about, Brian? What don’t I know?” Justin demands.

I know I have to step up and tell him, so I get up and move over to him, needing him in my arms when I finally speak the words. I need to do this, not only to comfort him, but because contact with him has always bolstered me. He seems hesitant to let me hold him, but one look in my eyes changes his mind. He’s still stiffer in my arms than I would like, but at least he’s letting me hold him.

Finally, I open my mouth and it all pours out. What the doctor said, how it has been to hide this huge thing from him, and even the reasons that I felt I had to do it. I can feel as everything I tell him hits him when he stiffens further and tries to pull away from me, but I won’t let him. I know that right now distance between us would be a bad thing.

“Let me fucking go, Brian! I can’t fucking believe you! How could you hide that from me for this long?” Justin screams at the top of his lungs.

“Fucking A, Justin! You were so sick and we were both freaking out about Arionna. Not to mention the shit going on with this fucked up family of ours. I thought that adding the news that you wouldn’t be able to have anymore children on to that would be cruel.”

Justin continues to scream, resorting to slamming his fists into my chests in an attempt to break free from my hold. The blows aren’t very hard because of how tightly I have him pressed to my body, and as time passes each one that reigns down is lighter and lighter, his fighting spirit draining out of him.

“It’s not fair!” he finally cries, burying his face into my neck.

“I know.” Is all I can say in answer to that. I have thought the same thing for months. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I feel Justin moving beside me; he had gone to sleep after our talk. The emotion of my declaration and his reaction to it had drained him of energy. I know we have to deal with everything, but I feel more confident about us being able to do it together since Arionna was born. It has been so hard for me to keep this heavy secret to myself all this time and I feel a million times better now that I don’t have to hide anything from him.

“We need to learn not to hide things from each other.” Justin's voice breaks the silence.

“I know.” I answer apologetically. “I won’t do it again.” I promise.

“Liar.”

“No, I’m not!” I protest, sitting up to look into his face.

“You might not think you are, but you are.” He starts. He turns his head and seems to stare off in the distance before continuing. “We can’t seem to help it. We always seem to hide things from one another when we are afraid it will hurt.”

“I know we have done that in the past but I won’t do it again.” I reiterate, then wait for him to promise the same thing.

“You can’t promise that. Hell, neither can I.” Justin insisted sitting up as well. “The best we can say is that we will try never to do something like this again and vow to communicate more. That way, if one of us is keeping something from the other, it will be more obvious, hopefully.”

“That, I can agree to.” I answer with a smile and lean over to kiss him. A hand in front of my mouth stops me, however, and a pull back in confusion. “What?”

“Do you think that I have forgotten the shit you pulled yesterday?” he hisses.

“I…well, I was hoping that you would understand.” I say slowly, fighting to internal urge to rage against acting so out of character. 

“I do understand, Brian. You deal with things like that, your pain management. But it is also completely unacceptable and something I can’t…won’t deal with anymore.”

“Okay, so…what is going to happen now?” I ask, having no answers for this. 

“We’re going to deal. We’re going to work on rebuilding the trust you destroyed yesterday. But you are also going to understand that there is no way I will deal with this sort of behavior EVER again.”

I stare into his eyes, I know how serious he is just body the way he holds his body and the look in those beautiful eyes just confirms it. I nod because, truthfully, that’s all I can do. Before I engaged in my traditional pain management techniques I knew that it was a mistake, but I couldn’t do anything about it, so I totally accept that it is detrimental to our relationship. I had been drowning in that knowledge last night and if he hadn’t helped me I don’t know how I would have been able to deal. We aren’t all better with just a talk, even I know that…now, but I also know we will get there and be stronger somehow, although I might have to get him to explain that to me.

~~~~~~~~~

Blue sheets, the azure color of his eyes, soft and as smooth as his perfect skin. I tuck in the sheet, wiping my hands across it to remove the wrinkles; it has to be perfect…like him. Next, I add the duvet, the color perfectly matching; so much has to be done to make it ready. 

After I’m satisfied with the bed, I cast my gaze around the room. My timeframe for getting it all done has been pushed up and I want my lover to be comfortable. We will probably have to spend some time in this room until he is ready to be with me in public. I have even learned everything that I need to know to care for Arionna in the early days, the ones that I might have to restrain him in. That slut has him so brain washed that it might take some time for him to realize how much better off he is with me. 

I look to the opposite wall and I see the crib and stuff for Arionna that I have already picked up, but, in my mind’s eye, I can now see two cribs. I will have to go shopping tomorrow for the stuff for the new baby so she or he will have everything. 

I haven’t decided whether I want us to have a boy or a girl this time. I mean, we already have a perfect little girl, so maybe a boy would be nice. On the other hand, I already know we make great little girls. 

I have chosen what we are going to rename Arionna, because she can’t keep that slut’s name. Justin will be so happy when he hears it. Maybe I will add the name to the present I send Justin next. On the other hand, maybe I will leave it as a surprise for when he comes home, it won’t be long now.


	7. Problems Persist

  
Author's notes: Thanks to Nickie for the pic  


* * *

 

 

I kick off my shoes, my body so tired that I have no idea how I’m still moving. It’s only six p.m., but I feel like it’s much later. Right when I was about to go to bed last night, Cynthia called and informed me of a problem with our contract for one of our biggest accounts, so I have been at work since then, trying to fix it. Everything is fine now, but I feel as though I could sleep for a week. I shrug out of my coat, and after hanging it up, start to head for the bedroom, unbuttoning my shirt the entire way. I need to get into something more comfortable before going to see Arionna. Although I’m tired, I have to see her before I fall into bed.  
  
The last two weeks between Justin and I have been strained, to say the least. I know that he forgives me for not telling him and even for my freak out, but forgiving is much easier than forgetting. Sometimes it feels as though we are in the same place we were in before Arionna, when Justin was just waiting for the next thing I would do to hurt him and, while I can’t blame him, it kills me. I want nothing more than to go back to the way it was before that night, and while we are both trying, it’s not an easy road.   
  
I enter the bedroom and slip off the rest of my clothes, throwing them in the hamper. I then put on some jeans and a tank, easy clothes that I feel comfortable in and that it won’t matter if Arionna destroys. That’s one of the things I have learned since she came into our lives, no clothing is safe. As I finish dressing, the fact that I haven’t seen or heard anything from Justin or Arionna since I came home enters my mind. The same chill I have gotten every time in the last two weeks that this has happened runs up and down my spine, the fear that Justin has finally wised up and left me. I know and have always known that Justin deserves better than me, and him leaving has always been a fear; a fear that has only worsened now that he has already done it once.  
  
I know the reason that ‘Ian’ happened and I’ve tried my best not to repeat those mistakes, but no matter how hard I try, I’m still me. I’m still blunt, I’m still an asshole. I’m still a million things that many people would consider undesirable traits. I am finished dressing and about to head out of the room to look for my family when I hear something coming from the bathroom off our bedroom. As I get closer to the sound I realize that it’s laughter and splashing. A smile crosses my face as I imagine Justin trying to bathe Arionna and her splashing the water everywhere, laughing when the water hits his face.  
  
With my smile, firmly on my face, I sneak up and crack the door to the bathroom, what I see though makes my smile broaden and my heart lighten.  
 

Justin is sitting in the bath with Arionna and they are playing. When Arionna sees me she pulls herself up on the edge of the tub, Justin's hand supporting her back, and she gives me a huge grin. Justin smiles at me softly and I know that somehow I have moved back into this good graces, but underneath it I see a stress I can tell is not caused by me or Arionna. I try to keep from voicing my frustration when I realize what has happened. I know, without a word, that he has gotten another gift, which makes two in the last two weeks. The private eye I hired says to his admirer is getting more impatient.   
  
I wonder why he didn’t call me to tell me he had gotten one and if he turned it over to the detective. I know I can’t do anything about it now, since we have decided not to talk about it around our daughter. She seems to pick up on our moods and whenever we talk about this asshole who has been giving Justin things she starts to cry, so we don’t discuss it when she is in the same room as us anymore.   
  
I grab a towel and when Justin nods his head, I grab Arionna out of the tub. Normally my little fish would protest at being removed from her bath, but maybe she missed me as much as I missed her, because all she does is splash me once, then comes willingly into my waiting arms. I hold her in my arms, watching as Justin gets out of the tub. I lean back against the sink shelf and admire his beautiful body as water drips down it in rivulets. Justin catches my gaze and arches an eyebrow with a smirk.  
  
“Hey, that’s mine!” I tease him.  
  
“Well, this is mine.” He whispers in my ear while gripping my cock through my jeans.  
  
“Not in front of the impressionable youth…or Arionna.” I shot back.  
  
“Fuck you.” He murmurs before biting into my earlobe.  
  
“Don’t start something you can’t finish.” I warn him in a growl.   
  
Usually, no matter what is happening in our life, Justin and I have always been able to connect sexually. This time though, it has been different. Don’t get me wrong, he hasn’t denied me; he just never seems to get into it and it has stopped me every time. I do not ever want to do something to him or even with him because he is being willing, that he doesn’t want a hundred percent.   
  
Even now, I watch as my words impact on him and the lust that had been in his eyes fades a little. His head lowers in a silent apology and I just shake my head at him, telling him just as silently that it’s alright. We have talked about it repeatedly over the last two weeks and I know that Justin has no idea why this is happening or what to do about it. He has urged me to just take him, but there is no way that is going to happen.  
  
I have tried everything I can think of to make this part of us better, but so far nothing has worked. I have even been doing research on therapists, even though I hate them, because this is definitely something that needs to be dealt with and I believe it is a sign of something much worse. I know somehow this has to do with my actions that night and the trust that he lost in me, but I can’t let us die like this. I have one more plan that I am going to try before calling the therapist.  
  
I will put it in action tonight, after I get a little sleep. I want to be at my best for this, and as tired as I am, it’s not going to be the best right now. But first we have to put Arionna to bed and I want to spend a little time with her before that happens. I have always found every moment I could spend with her precious, but as this situation has progressed, it has become even more important because I feel as if I might lose my family if I can’t repair what I have broken.   
  
“Did you get a present today?” I ask just as we climb into bed about an hour later.   
  
“Can we please not talk about it right now?” Justin breathes, answering my question but trying to put off my discussion.  
  
“If you turned it over.” I agree giving him some slack.  
  
“I did.” He assures me.   
  
I just nod and then we kiss for a minute before he cools down again. When he goes to apologize once again, I wave it away as I have been. I draw him in my arms and we settle down to sleep.   
  
A Few Hours Later  
  
I feel myself drifting out of sleep, my body is telling me it’s not time to wake up, but something is disrupting my sleep. I want to go back to sleep, as it’s too early to be awake, but some insistent thing won’t let me. I feel something slide across my neck, and although I want to push it off, it feels too good to make it stop. A gentle velvet feel, warm, soft, and sometimes wet making its way slowly down the side of my neck.   
  
I arch into the pleasant feeling, not caring if I’m dreaming or not, I just don’t want this feeling to end. As I tilt my head back the feeling migrates over to my Adam’s apple, then a sharp pressure is followed by a soothing one. I open my mouth an utter a sound of bliss as the sequence repeats. Even then, I refuse to open my eyes, afraid that when I do the feelings will go away.  
  
The blanket covering me slides down slowly and as the air around me hits me, as the velvety feelings move down my neck onto my chest. When something tickles my face, I lose my fight to stay asleep and I open my eyes to find out where the feelings are coming from.   
  
The tickling to my face I quickly find out is Brian’s hair as he lowers himself down my body and the velvety sensations are being caused by his mouth and tongue. Now he’s dragging his lips across my right nipple, the soft, warm skin of his lips taunting my upper chest, which aches for more. I reach forward and thread my hands into his hair, a plea for more that he knows well.  
  
“So nice of you to join me.” Brian teases, looking up at me the moment my hands hit his hair.  
  
“Thanks for the wakeup call.” I say with a loving grin, and then give his hair an extra tug  
  
He responds to my silent directive this time, leaning down and going to work on one nipple then the other in earnest. Nipping, biting, pinching, and soothing each little current of pain with his tongue. He spends some time on them before traveling down my body in the same manner, marking every piece of flesh he cares to on his way down.   
  
Marking me has become somewhat an obsession with him, and I love him doing it. Whenever he sees one of the marks he leaves on me regularly, his eyes darken and I feel loved. He wants everyone to know I’m his, even if he doesn’t voice it often, his actions say it every day in a million ways.  
  
He reaches my cock, and by now I’m shoving my hips towards him, begging vocally, even though I know he’s in total control this time and will only give me exactly what he wants to, and only when he wants to. It’s not a big surprise when he bypasses my cock, but still I can’t hold in a moan of protest. A second later though, he wraps his hands behind my thighs and shoves them up and the moan changes into one of glee.   
  
Brian isn’t playing anymore, and he slips his somehow-already-lubed finger deep inside me in one smooth thrust. I immediately respond by pushing my hips towards him, fucking myself on his digit and begging for more. I need to be fuller.  
  
“Two,” he whispers teasingly as he slips another inside me, never pausing.  
  
“More,” I demand again, riding his fingers hard.  
  
“This enough?” he asks, slamming another finger into my hole. The quick succession causes a pinch, but not nearly enough to stop me; I’ve taken a lot more and now I want it all.  
  
Four are inside me now and my pulsating hole is extremely tight around them, but I’m still not satisfied. Brian sometimes calls me a size queen, and I can already tell this is one of those times. He stops moving his fingers and lays his other hand on my right hip, stopping their movement without a word. As soon as I still, his fingers started scissoring inside of me, stretching me for the next step, his cock. I greedily beg him to hurry; I want his dick in my ass so bad I have to hold back a whimper.  
  
Within seconds, he is moving up my body, withdrawing his fingers as he changes position. As his face comes, up to mine, I raise my head and we’re kissing franticly as he rams himself deep inside me with one harsh thrust.  
  
“Fuck yeah!” I cry out as the sensations of him slamming into me to the hilt blur through my brain.  
  
“God, yes!” Brian hisses in return, the feeling surging throughout his body causing him to bury his head in my neck.  
  
“Oh, now,” I beg him. “Fuck me now!”  
  
There is no verbal answer to my plea, but he puts his hands around my head, threading his fingers through my hair and starts thrusting deeply. I start arching my hips in response, trying to get him in me even deeper and on each withdrawal he rakes across my prostate with deadly accuracy. A dozen or so strokes later, I feel my orgasm bubbling up inside me and reach for my cock to bring myself to completion, as Brian has not touched it since he got inside of me.  
  
Before I can reach it, my hand is pushed out of the way and held away from it and I think that Brian is going to do it for me, but he ignores it just as he has the whole time. I beg and plead for more, but he ignores me. His body is starting to shake, signaling his oncoming orgasm, but now he isn’t even working my prostate, so I know unless he starts stroking me off, quickly that he’s going to cum without me.  
  
“Please, Brian?!?!” I cry out and my words seem to actually triggering him cumming without me and he groans, shudders, and shakes before collapsing on top of me.  



End file.
